Of course, I hated me. I couldn’t deal with the fact on how ugly I am, both inside and outside. Before, I didn’t care. I lived in this part of the world where nobody cared whatever they looked. Whether they were too fat or too skinny, they’re still beautiful. Then, I had to adapt to this new environment, and I did. That was also when I knew that being too fat and too skinny are not beautiful.
There is one thing I loved in me, and I hope I will continue to cherish it because it’s the only part of me that drives me so mad to adapt the new environment in me.
Two environments – the one in me and the one where I live – that are so different that I got good at keeping them separate. No one else knew about my personal environment. People around me thought they know me because I give in to the temporary pleasures they present. But that ‘giving in’ was just one of the ugly things I hate about myself.
Self-love is the one thing I love about myself. I love myself so much that I want to change, not because of the ugly things I have in and out. But because I want to be better than before, wiser than yesterday, and more loving to myself. If I don’t love myself, I wouldn’t be writing (or typing, haha) here. There are just a few things that I have kept because of how much I love myself.
That was the only thing I have never told anyone, especially when I couldn’t love every part of me. That was the only voice I heard when I wanted to quit, when I wanted an out. “There’s still good somewhere, and better some day.”